Tag Archives: fear


Book One: A Spiritual Journey

stockvault-open-book144296Lessons 21-30 

…About Finding Purpose…Opening Up… Letting Go… Trust… Fear… Balance…Gratitude.


☽ There is a process – pay attention to what you are learning

☽ everything is truly significant

☽  Must practice – will get easier and quicker over time

☽ Will connect with what resonates

☽  Remember to be patient

☽  Passion creates success

☽ Don’t focus on where it will end – there will be no END

☽ Have ‘fun’ with it

☽ Don’t ‘think’ yourself out of it

☽ Just release – you will know; faith, trust; creativity – use it!




Book One: A Spiritual Journey

stockvault-open-book144296First Ten Lessons 

…About Finding Purpose…Opening Up… Letting Go… Trust… Fear… Balance…Gratitude.




  Get past the fear.
⚘  “If it is to be, it will be.”
⚘  ”You must be patient yet persistent in your efforts.”
  Figure out what you want. Don’t waste one more day. Make it             happen.
⚘  Be thankful.


 “It takes too long if you wait for everything to be PERFECT. Go            Now…figuring out how it all fits together is as much fun as                    getting there”
 It has to resonate with you, spark your passion. You will FEEL it.         You will KNOW it.
“You are looking too hard…let IT find you….and it will.”
❅ (You are) supposed to be right where (you are), right now.
Do not be “dismissive” of intuition; Give yourself credit – build          confidence.

Spiritual Journal Dream August 14, 2015

Friday: The Airport Dream

I woke this morning from a dream. …one of those dreams  I knew instantly I would not forget. I knew this dream was somehow important – and as soon as I started replaying the details in my head – I understood. This dream is symbolic. It is about my journey...

The  Journey Begins

So…I was parking my car in an airport parking lot. This was not the typical paved airport parking lot –  instead it was covered by dirt and grass, reminding me of somewhere you’d park for a concert.  And this parking lot was a very far distance from the actual airport I was departing from. Well,  I parked my car at the edge of this lot, next to a tree-lined wooded area, and got out and began the walk to the airport. No shuttle service. I had to travel through four or five different lots or areas along my path to the airport – and at one point I even had to climb over the roof of a building to continue along my journey.

Destination Ahead

stockvault-airport-and-fog171753Finally, I am able to see the airport facility ahead of me. I am at the local airport (which is only about a 15 minute drive from my house) and am familiar with my surroundings. But  suddenly, I realize I don’t have my information – my ticket or boarding pass –with me. I forgot them!  I quickly decide it won’t be a problem – surely they can find my information in the computer system and print my stuff for me. So I proceed on and into the airport.

Waiting… or Not?

stockvault-travelers-abstract152592As I enter the main building of the airport I immediately notice a large group of people sitting, very still and quietly in what appears to be a waiting area, to my left. I then notice the airline ticket counters ahead of me, as well as the  roped off areas used to manage the typical airline passenger traffic.  The lines are empty – no one is waiting, and there are no workers at any of these counters. I do see one male traveler with a backpack slung over his shoulder at a counter to the right.  He must be using a self-service kiosk.

It is at this point stockvault-airport-signs174325I realize I don’t even know what airline I am supposed to be flying on. How will  I know which counter (or kiosk) to go to for my ticket and boarding pass?

A Helping Hand

Suddenly a woman, behind a  counter ahead of me and to my left, gets my attention. She motions for me to come over to her. She is so friendly and happy –  and wants to tell me all about her recent travels, and that she’s met someone and fallen in love, and she will  be leaving soon to get married. I feel as if  I must know her  – I am so happy for her and hug her tightly. She then tells me, in a matter-of-fact way, that my departure is not until  later in the  evening – at 11:30.


I immediately  decide I’m going back to my car and heading back home …I live close to the airport and there’s no point in sitting there and waiting  – I’ll just come back later.

A Chance Meeting

As I turn to leave the counter, I notice a gentleman to my right. He’s sitting in a chair next to the service counter where the woman had helped me. He is older, with white curly hair. I stop and look at him closely – I know him! I know his face. He was on TV.  As the woman from the service counter  quickly joins us – she says “THIS is my beau!” As I shake his hand, I tell him I know who he is and acknowledge him loudly by the only name  I know – which is the character he played on TV. I can’t think of his stage name – and I am embarrassed by this,  but am so happy and excited to be meeting him – and for the woman, as well!

Helper By My Side

stockvault-reflection-of-people-walking139542After meeting this gentleman, I turn around to leave the airport when a female, from the waiting area I first noticed when I entered the building, approaches me. We chat, and she joins me as I depart for my journey back to my car.

Leaving Stuff Behind

As we leave the building together, a  female airport worker approaches me. She wants me to know that, when I parked my car, I  left something behind –  my cell phone and some type of cable. She told me I left them on the top of my car. I thank her, and she turns away to continue with her duties.

Have Some Fun

stockvault-downtown-at-night128941Suddenly I am back in my car – with my female companion from the airport waiting area in the passenger seat. It is now evening, and it is dark outside. I’m parking my car in a different parking lot now. We proceed to get out of the car and walk.not sure where we we’re going,  but our attire implies we are going out clubbing ☺ and  we are intending to have fun.

Feeling Protected

As we walk along the sidewalk – there is a male, standing  in the shadows against a building, to my left. He motions or calls out to me – and I go over and chat with him for a while (again -I feel as if I must have known him) before I depart to rejoin my female companion, who is waiting for me.

Fear of The Unknown

My companion and I then realize there are three males behind us – calling out to us. We don’t know who these men are –  and  we get a little nervous because we are in an unfamiliar area – so  we decide it would be a good idea to go back and get in the car.

As we turn around to go back to where my car is parked,  I  realize we are now  being chased by these three males. We begin to run, going down a stone stairwell to get back to the parking lot below. I’m  not sure exactly where the car is parked, but  I quickly find it parked right next to another which was similar to mine.


As I dash to my driver side door – I notice the similar car next to mine with lights on, engine running,  and the passenger door wide-open. I quickly glance into the passenger side of this car as I open my own car door. It appears this car has suffered a minor collision with the car next to it. But the car is empty, as if it’s been abandoned. There are no people aroundanywhere.

Facing Fear

I jump into my car as my female companion hurries around to the passenger side – yelling for me to lock my car door. I slam my stockvault-bike---repco-challenger108323hand down onto the door lock –  but before my companion can get into the car, two of the males who have been chasing us jump into the car and climb over top of me and the front seats to get into the back seat of the car. And the third male is taking a bicycle out of the trunk of my car.

I’m now driving somewhere – with the two males in the backseat, the female by my side, and the third male following closely behind on the bicycle. I am not afraid – I don’t feel threatened. And again – now I feel like I must know these guys.

Overcoming Obstacles

And suddenly I am no longer in my car – but am back on the path on my way to the airport . But I am running this time. I am back on the roof of the building. The roof  is covered with some plastic material embedded with large rocks. I have to use my hands to help balance myself as I ‘climb‘ over it. I get to the edge of the roof and realize I must jump. I notice a couple of other travelers quickly navigating the roof and safely  jumping down from the roof’s edge to get to the next lot.

I Can Do This

I know I can do this – but it seems like it is a steeper jump from where I am standing.  But I bend down and grab onto the edge of the roof – and let my body swing over the side.  I’m now hanging off the roof against the side of the building. I look down. It’s really not that far down – probably only four or five feet. I have no fear. I’m not worried that I will break any bones or hurt myself to the point I can’t continue on – so I let go…..

Then I woke up.

Spiritual Journal August 1, 2015


Had the sisters over last night to celebrate the Full Moon. We sat in the front yard – in a circle under the moon . We held hands and giggled. I believe in Magic…and I wished for magical blessings for us. New Moon Magic. I’m sure my sisters didn’t hear me though – they were too busy being silly. But that’s why I love them so much! ♥


My niece was also here for a while last night, and she said she had an experience while she was alone in my house. She said she saw ‘someone’ in the family room. Two ‘someones’, as a matter-of-fact.

She told me she was putting ice-cream in the kitchen freezer when she noticed something in her peripheral vision. So she glanced over to her right and saw what she described as a glowing light, like an aura – in the corner of the family room. She then walked over to the ‘coffee pot corner’ of the kitchen and just stood there, because she could see directly into the family room corner from this spot. She said she then saw ‘people’ – a couple, holding hands – sitting on the corner of the sectional (couch). She initially thought it was my son, but then remembered he was at work. She said whoever she was seeing then rose (as if a person was standing up) and waved at her.  She said she felt this was a male energy… but wasn’t sure about the other.


So…this is the same room, the same exact location of the ‘back tapping‘ experienced by both my son and my sister while sleeping on the same section of the family room couch. I think back now to prior meditation notes – from January (the date 1-23 to be exact) when I heard “better talk to him first for a  while” followed by ‘I sat in the living room and talked to the room’.  Is this the room  – and is there somebody here I’m supposed to talk to?


I have tried a couple of times (in the recent past) to connect with this energy in the family room. I’ve tried in the dining room, too. I know it is here…I can feel it. The cats absolutely can feel it as well. But I haven’t had much success connecting…and I think it’s because it still scares me a little. I have to fight with the pin-prick goosebumps permeating my body… I have to remind myself it is the energy causing my body to react this way, and it is not the result of  fear.  I’m still having a hard time separating the  two – but I’ve decided I will keep trying to establish a connection  with this energy – because I want to know. Who is here? And why?
So I  will ask – and my Spirit Guides will help  me. They understand my fear. 

Spirit Guides in my mirror!

Meditation Notes: 2:45 PM – 3:10 PM

Beginning meditation with Chakra balancing….Root, Sacral, and Throat.

counting: the number 6
Vision: looked like a lampshade (shaped object) in the middle of a lawn (grass)
• sudden memory of the first house I lived in as a child – the side yard – suddenly felt as if I was there (like a flashback)
• Ache under right upper arm
female: K- name (or hard C-name)

IMG_2905Decided to pray….for love and healing to all in need.

I want. I believe. I trust. I receive.  

And so it is.

Spiritual Journal July 21, 2015

Tuesday Energy

A couple of days ago, and for first time since 2013,  I turned the a/c on in the house. It is set at a comfortable 78º – because it is summer and it should still feel like summer ☺.  And, because I refuse to have to wear my fuzzy socks inside the house during the summer months to keep my feet warm.

But still, even with the comfortable temperature, there have been several times over the last few days I have gotten the chills through my legs, followed by extreme goosebumps – which actually feel prickly hot. This feeling (chills/goosebumps) I have always associated with fear – but it now fills me with curiosity. To be still. To listen. Who’s here?

Today the energy feels more intense – well, actually since yesterday. I’m thinking it’s about a situation going on with other family members,  but I feel it here – around me, in my house. It is with me now as I prepare to meditate. I’m going to try again to release it. It’s not mine.

Meditation Notes: 11:50 AM
  • It’s hard to release this anxious, uptight feeling. It almost feels like fear. So I focus on my breathing – and watch the energy in the air. The air is full of pixels…and I see movement, like a wave of energy running vertically across the room. I think of all I have to do. It is all about FOLLOWING THROUGH. And I have much to follow through with – I know!

Moving forward….

Journal Notes April 6, 2015

April 6, 2015 Mon

As I sat in the hot tub this morning with the hubby I started thinking about the land I live on. I would love to know more about its history. I’ll have to check into it, see what I can find out. And this thought lead to thoughts about the houses again. I’ve interpreted the meaning of the house visions a couple of different ways – but I honestly connect with each interpretation. There’s no rule stating these visions can only mean one thing, right?

I fight with my ego a lot lately. My ego wants to tell me “you can’t do or say THAT! Other people might think you are ‘full of yourself’!” Ha Ha. So – my EGO doesn’t want ITSELF to be exposed? How ironic is that? But it’s right in respect to me not wanting others to think I am full of myself… because I’m not, and I don’t think that…ever. I do know my ego is just trying to protect me, but what I’ve learned about manifesting your dreams – your soul’s purpose  – is this:

Until you push aside the ego and acknowledge it (your passion/purpose) fully, say it out loud, and carry it with you (claim it and own it), you won’t be able to live it. It’s that ‘walk the talk’ philosophy. There IS a natural order, but you must take action and trust your own intuition (which is your inner guidance and the gift we should all know and claim) or you’ll get ‘stuck’ or ‘blocked‘ from moving forward. TRUST. TRUST. TRUST.

I have recognized and acknowledged the need to TRUST throughout my journey – and it keeps reappearing for me. Each time it does I recognize (although not always immediately) there is something I must work through. The something is typically a fear, based on a belief that has been programmed into my being. Often I have to dig deep to find it, other times it smacks me right in the face (or pokes me in the eye ☺). And then I acknowledge it, and pray, and ask for the guidance or assistance I need to just release it. Let it go – it serves no purpose but to create a block.

So, I am here again in this place of learning to trust. But today I realize it’s a very good place for me to be right now, at this moment. It’s helping me to reflect on ‘yesterday‘ a bit more. It is helping me to find my balance, get grounded, gather my courage, overcome my fears, and start living the life I want. And it’s reminding me to have fun and enjoy every single step along the way.

I meditated and asked for help releasing ALL fears. This is somewhat routine for me – but it works. ☺♥ I had two visions...

Meditation Notes

  • vision – male sitting (at a desk?)…I could see him from the back…had on a t-shirt and had short buzz-cut hair. There was a formation of glittery lights and little stars circling above and around his head.
  • vstockvault-dirt-road134101ision – a long dirt road with trees on both sides…as if I was looking ahead into the distance to see were the road led
  • I believe the first vision was my son…and the second represents ‘a long road’ (ahead of him?)

My Top 10: How Meditation is Helping Me Explore My Spirituality

My Top 10: How Meditation is Helping Me Explore My Spirituality

  1. it brings me closer to God
  2. it calms and quiets my body and mind
  3. it allows me to be in the present moment
  4. it creates a feeling of bliss
  5. it increases my level of awareness, allowing me to carry it with me throughout the day
  6. it opens me to new discoveries about myself
  7. it exposes, explores and strengthens my intuition
  8. it challenges me to face my fears, to learn how to trust, to forgive, and to love unconditionally
  9. it leads me to my passion
  10. it takes me on a journey, laden with many paths, to discovering my Truth… who I AM


Journal Entry February 9, 2015

February 9, 2015 Mon 

Meditation Notes
• Words: ‘subtle’ – ‘awareness’ – ‘what if’
• Lyric “Do you know where you’re going to?” [D. Ross]
• Mild headache
• Itch ‘across’ right cheek
• Chest pulsating – feel excitement!
• Uplifting feeling
• Vision of dragonflies on a birdhouse {TY}
• am Smiling
• Fluttering sound in front of me
• Feel and smell of outside air
• Cara [or C-name]
• ‘hiking’
• Lyric “you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave” [The Eagles, Hotel California]
• ‘Close’
• Feel movement on bed
• Feels like ‘someone’ to my left
• Attention to my left wrist
• ‘I get a prize’
• Feel bed movement again
• Chirping sound overhead
• Sister/sibling
• Attention to heart
• Feels like yank on right upper arm
• Heard “help me” –faint, almost like a whisper
• Uplifting feeling
• Hear high pitch tone
• Heard “[my name]”
• Mild ache/attention to / in throat and ears
• Like I’m overhearing a conversation….
•Heard  “It brings up memories”
• Something about “you [sic] pants on”
• lifting/shifting feeling
• Visions – blue water

{TY} indicates I acknowledge and give thanks for the message or lesson
[bracketed comments are notes added after meditation]
(parenthesized notations are typically written during meditation)

Personal Notes:
Wow! Made it through WITHOUT the sensations of hunger and having to pee :).
Am noticing the sequential numbers 4, 5, 6 frequently…sometimes as 6, 5, 4.
Felt energy brush past my leg as I was going down my stairs today – just me and the cats at home and, YES – it freaked me out! Did I forget to “now revoke” after meditation?

Journal Notes January 22, 2015

January 22, 2015 Thursday

Personal Notes:
Woke this morning to two words…’swan’ and ‘peacock’.
Spent some time online  looking for information about  these words as well as  ‘sand’ (as related to spirituality). Seems like the messages could not be clearer. Also checked Angel #s 31 and 82 (woke to $31.82). More clarity! Then I started getting a song lyric/tune. I wasn’t sure what the words were but knew it was The Mamas and The Papas, so I checked a song list on YouTube and found the title (just knew it when I saw it) -“’Words of Love”. As I listened to the song,  I was suddenly filled with emotions,  which made me cry. The specific verse was  ‘If you love her then you must send her somewhere where she’s never been before.”
The message is CLEAR. Feeling Grateful.

Meditation Notes 
• Feel excited energy
• [Automatic Writing] ‘You know you CAN. You have to be strong. Vulnerable. You have to be OK with this. You have to FEEL it within – this is YOUR story. No one gets to interpret it other than you, but you have to be OK that others will try. LISTEN, but trust your heart and soul. Do not let others deflate you.’
• Lyric “up, up and away in my beautiful balloon”
• [Automatic Writing] ‘Work through all the fears by FACING them. Energy is wasted when fearing what “might” happen. You know that and preach it often.’
• Heard “the proof is in the pudding” [TY]
• [Automatic Writing] You are writing your blog now – just on paper. And this is the authentic you. [TY]
• Heard  “so much” (repeated)
• ‘You didn’t even have to ask – we are here’ [knew it was the angels – and I did not even get to call out for their assistance before I started receiving the message(s)]
• Feeling truly blessed
• Heard “You are”
• Word ‘psychedelic’
• Feel mild headache
• Cats – something about ‘that cat’
• ‘Assume’ then  ‘without ‘that’ one would assume’ [writing LESSONS?]
• Feel a lot of good energy in body
• Major energy from left – like a barrier/wall being created right next to me
• Heard “keeping out”
• Got ‘Some people are opens always – others must focus ‘intent’. Not there yet – not sure it is wanted’
• ‘assume…people will assume’ LESSON?
• ‘it’s a magical mystery tour’
• Feeling ‘trippy’
• Feels scary – fear; overcoming. TRUST. ‘Only good will prevail’
• Right shoulder itches [had to scratch]
• Feel cool pocket of air over body
• [suddenly everything seems to be clicking]
• Lyric “finally”
• Felt like a record album skipping over and over …’stuck’
• Felt tapping on the shoulder
• [omg –  I have to pee bad! Time to stop]

Personal Notes:
Many electrical issues around the house today. Bedroom TV won’t play, light bulb on desk in computer room blew out. And [my cat] Sky is meowing at the wall.

Journal Notes January 2, 2015

January, 2, 2015 Fri

Personal Notes:
Know I dreamt last night. Forgot about it until I stopped at K’s this afternoon and Z pulled a hot pink lip gloss out of her purse. I remembered then only this one part of my dream… a pink highlighter marker being used as lip gloss – and I’m pretty sure K was part of it. De Ja Vu moment.
S texted me – she really wants to learn to meditate. She said a lot of “weird stuff” is happening and it scares her. I understand the fear.
Have a pressure feeling in my head as I prepare for a late afternoon meditation (4:02 pm)

Meditation Notes
• Feel chills/tingles through legs
• Lyric “your love keeps lifting me higher and higher”
• Scratchy throat – clearing – gagging feeling
• Twitch under left arm toward back
• Hard to swallow
• ‘Life Insurance’